Rumsfeld Hosts No-Holds-Barred Martial Arts Tournament At Remote Island Fortress

"Rumsfeld, wandering among his collection of antique torture implements and feeding candied figs to his golden langur, said he remains unmoved.

'See here,' Rumsfeld said, indicating a gold-encrusted Minoan iron maiden. 'It is difficult to associate horrors with the proud civilizations that created them: Sparta, Rome, the knights of Europe, the Samurai. They worshipped strength, because strength is the fundament for all other values. I shall find the strongest of all, and together, we shall shake the world to its very foundations.'"