Larry David, Nature Boy
"And nobody ever went hiking in Brooklyn. The only time you took a hike was when someone told you to go fuck yourself. Then you took a hike. Then you got the hell out of there in a hurry. 'You're right, sir. Perhaps it is time for a little afternoon stroll. I think I'll be moseying on.' There was nothing in nature we appreciated. Sunsets were mocked. The moon, in particular, held no fascination for anyone. I don't think I ever heard anyone even use it in a sentence. Nobody ever said, 'Hey, check out the moon!' We never gazed at it. We didn't do any gazing. Well, people never looked up in general. We were too busy traversing a minefield of dog excrement. That's why, to this day, I can't look anyone in the eye, because, after spending many an afternoon throwing my sneaker away and hopping home, I became fixated on looking down.

So as a result of my background, I've never done anything outdoorsy. I don't hike, I don't ski, I don't fish . . . I would if you could catch conservatives. I wouldn't throw them back so fast, either. I'd let them flop around on the deck for a while. 'It was wrong to lie about Saddam having nuclear weapons, wasn't it?' 'Yes, yes.' 'In fact, the whole war was a big mistake!' 'Yes, maybe.' 'No, not maybe! It was a mistake!' 'OK, it was a mistake. Throw me back. Please!'"